square one...

There's so much to say right now but as usual, just like all those times that slip into a vortex where you were sure you had so much to tell someone but when you have them living and breathing in front of you you have nothing to say, well here we are...

Being back in my home and native land has left me surprisingly little time to contemplate and return to the neurosis of my ever-active mind in which my fantasies are played out on mute in my brain because I'm surviving in spiritual and cultural, not to mention personal, limbo right now.

I find myself hearing other people saying, "I heard (... insert random thing here) on the CBC the other day." and I'm already ahead of them because I listen to it every waking moment of the day and I remember what Kamloops's mayor had to say or what people think about graffiti artists and uncontrollable semi-weeds in their gardens. I found myself wishing that I could listen to the US presidential debates in the car whilst simultaneously sexually climaxing and found myself utterly disillusioned and disenchanted that I could not because I was busy downshifting.

What am I to do here? What does my life entail? Will everything work out to some pre-destined plan of which I am unaware? Am I resting too comfortably on my laurels? Why is it raining and a bit cold in the middle of an Okanagan summer?

I feel as if I'm back to square one but keep looking for the beginning and all I find is a circle...