All the Promises I Never Made…

I never promised many things. I feel the need to reiterate that, mostly for myself, but for the masses as they stand now. Why am I constantly plagued by self doubt? I never called myself an academic or an intellectual. I would never be so bold or crass to assume those titles. I would never express my dreams and aspirations of being prime minister or winning the Nobel Prize, except when slurring my confessions to Whitney, at Paul's 21st birthday party, in Fred and Linda's kitchen on a night that would forever in my mind remind me of what, if I was more of a loafer, could have been. But even then I did not make any bones about not being a grade A loafer. I don't consider myself a music snob or an arts connoisseur or a book junkie. I know a few things about mixing colours, a few things about poetic language, a few words of spanish and french and occasionally I do a mean parallel park and a mean banana pancake. Sometimes I think I know a bit about politics and would even go so far as to say I was mildly religious, but that's about it.

I want to feel like this four year sojourn has been a meaningful one. Just because I've chosen to express it in different ways and rather than accumulate a massive book list, I've instead kept the majority of my leisure reads out from the library for almost three years now (and since I have such horrible taste, only one of the 40 I have out had a hold put on it that I had to return). I dressed up as an indian and played drunken cowboys and indians with Megan in my first year at Chez Cascade 444 and got wrecked in a rental car with someone's mom on the way to being hypnotized at the Sexpo. I have repeatedly been known to build forts and not take them down for days. I have helped three underage kids evade arrest for spraying eachother with bear mase and have attempted to steal a huge stuffed Bartman from the Stampede and then beat the Stampede Cop with it. I have sacrificed many types of fruit produce to outlandish causes and ran with scissors on numerous occasions.

I've never pretended to have class or wit or intellect. I've never promised to be someone I'm not. And yet, I still feel like I have to justify the fact that sometimes I act like an asshole, or a 9 year old, or just a plain fool. My intentions were good, not that I ever promised they would be.

I can promise however that it won't be pretty when you see me dancing in the LJs to my dad's old records, waxing poetic (something I am in fact VERY good at) about an inevitably bullshit cause (that I think could change the world) but you will know, without a doubt, that this is me and I've never pretended otherwise, and that I was glad you were here to share the moment with me.